Despite the fact that he confiscated local kids' football, Alf is still invited by the vicar to act as coach for the youth soccer team, attracting scorn from Mike. Needless to say Alf is not a good trainer, concentrating on the skills of only one player, though he does attract the attention of some well-known soccer players.

• Johnny Speight

• Una Stubbs
• Patricia Hayes
• Roy Kinnear