Attic Chronicles 12/10/21… Hello my readers. Where was I? Oh, right. So I had been flying on the back of the 808 demigod that looked like Kenny Beats with my cat on my shoulder and I had realized that the gigantic, bejeweled piano beneath me was actually the instrument of God.. I had decided in a blind rage to release my grip and drop down thousands of feet to my own death so that I could land on one of the piano keys and alter the nature of existence for all of posterity. It was God’s plan, after all, that led me to Kenny’s attic in the first place. I reached terminal velocity just a few hundred feet before hitting the surface. I confronted my own mortality and accepted it. My body landed on one of the keys. A sound so pure emanated from the piano. I felt my first laugh, my first cry. This moment lasted a lifetime in itself, but I never tired of the sound. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. Then my body exploded and all my bones shattered. Then everything went dark.

• Kenny Beats