Ben wakes Katz up in the middle of the night, claiming to hear a noise. Katz hears it too, and they both think they're being burglarized. After first trying to scare off the burglar (""I'm sure glad they haven't outlawed semi-automatic weapons in the city yet!""), they give up (""Help yourself, take whatever you want, just lock up when you're done""). Turns out the burglar doesn't get in, but Katz and Ben over-react -- oddly, this time it's Katz who over-reacts more. They get new locks and bars on the windows, and Ben wants a hamster. Katz tells Julie and Stan that a home is burglarized every 15 minutes, and that he can't believe he called 911 and was told he had the wrong number. (Stan: ""Did you dial N-I-N-E-one-one?"" Katz: ""OK, you win, you're the stupidest guy in the bar."") Katz suggests a lower peephole, in case the burglar is a midget. Why? Because every horror movie he's seen has an evil midget in it. (Movies mentioned: ""Midget Killers,"" ""I'm Small and You're Dead,"" ""Too Small to Let

• Jonathan Katz

• Richard Lewis
• Jim Gaffigan
• Larry Miller